My son's sweet voice and a moments lesson

    ~ This week I got to hear my son say " Yoga". He is five and this should not be a big deal but he has been slow to develop his speech. For two years we have taken him to therapy twice a week and just in the past 5 months he has made a real turnaround. Granted " Yoga" is not a hard word to repeat but at that moment, as he came in the room and threw his dads Yoga mat in the floor beside mine and said " Mommy, I do Yoga on my Yoga mat! and preceded to do just that. I was a proud, proud momma! 
    Later on, thinking on those five minutes he was on that mat, I realized that this was the most important gift/lesson I could possibly give my son. No matter what happens in his life, if he takes it to his mat, I know he's going to be okay. It will give him stability and balance in all areas of his life. It will help him through school, in his career and relationships. It will guide him in political and spiritual decisions and bring him to the best possible option for him. Though it may not have been the toughest or the longest word for him to say, it is by far one of the most important.
     All of this has only strengthened my resolve to to go through teacher training. I now realize this is a much further reaching process than I ever imagined 8 months ago. ~ 

Stillborn

Stillborn

Stillborn

In memory

The streets of gold began to crumble

beneath the feet of would be mothers

on their backs they carry dolls

sporting masks of former lovers

of the gods and demigods

they gather with them all

open up their peasants robes

and to the street

they let them fall

And there in crumbled golden streets

All the would be mothers weep

Their sex is lying at their feet

Their wombs just sacrificial meat

and they inhale...

all together their last breath
all together say their prayer
and all together they will sleep
and die down in a childless dream

The Obsessive Mind

In a flood 
like a rush 
they wash over me
those thought provoking emotions 
that take me back decades
giving it to me in spades
these visions
this pain
Nonsense
it doesn't make any
the words are indiscernible 
but the intent is there
Some of us are just not born to be glorious
we live our lives sad and furious
in a pathetic attempt to play the game 
in the world that “Normal” created
a place where we are truly demeaned 
often misunderstood
and sometimes hated,
mostly by ourselves.
And we go on, 
and we go on
and we go on
by ourselves

Lessons in my head

Me:  "What is wrong child? Why do you cry?"

Me:  "oh, you know, the usual, self loathing and parental guilt."

Me:  "And why do you self loath? Why do you live in guilt?"

Me:  "Because I must tell my children no a lot and I can not give them all the things I want them to have."

Me:  "and why is it, to you, more important to teach them to self loath and to live in their guilt than to teach them the value of a "no" and the art of being truly happy with what they already have?"

~ 6 weeks without yoga seemed to undo all the things that 3 months of practicing Yoga had repaired. My body, my mental state...it all deteriorated so quickly. 25 minutes of Yoga last night was Heaven! It is as I had thought, I simply can not survive...can not live without Yoga being a integral part of my being.~ 

Not had time

    ~ We have been so busy, I have not had any time to write. Several thoughts I would have loved to have put down in my blog but I never got around to writing them down and just do not remember them now. That is life and the essence of it is family. Since I have been very busy with my family, I refuse to feel guilty about dropping the ball in other areas. I must put that in here to remind myself for I am a very guilt driven creature and If I can squeeze an ounce of it out of a moment I will feed on it like crack. ~
     

Our Noble Children

~ We are all born of this world noble, working hard to become servile. Not servile to our own personal growth by selflessly helping others but servile to corporations so that we can receive our necessities. At five my son understands nobility and the basic human level that it operates on. He understands the benefits of helping others selflessly. That reaching over and helping mommy make the bed puts a smile on her face therefore a big smile on his. In a few years, without a change on my part, he would have learned to whine about having to choose between himself and others. I vow to try to live my life like a five year old. Fearlessly, Selflessly, Imaginatively, Worry Free and Nobly! In giving myself up to a truly servile role in this world, maybe I too will be as noble as he. As noble as I once was. ~

All My Answers

~ During yoga the other night, I realized that it is only ego that keeps me here. Here, posting in such a public forum. Should I stay or Should I go? For two days I thought about it and decided I'm staying here. I will disconnect from facebook but google + has a different place in my life. A place where I come to connect with others who love Yoga. I connect with Yoga teachers here or people like me who have teaching as a eventual goal. It gives me a community feeling that I need while I work on my practice and myself. I do not get these things in my physical realm at the moment. As I type this it occurs to me that this also is something I need to ponder. I need to find other yogis in my physical world to connect with. This has been on my heart all week. I will Take It To My Mat. All the answers lie hidden there. ~

Social

~ The other day after reading a facebook posting and having a very angry reaction, I realized, again, that facebook is bad for me. I am disconnected from those that I love, never seeing them and keeping up with my friends lives through social media. That's widely accepted but to me, not acceptable. I need to disconnect to reconnect. I will implement this on June 1st when we move home. I am torn about my blog. This takes a little more thought.~

Tree to Life Translation Part 2

~ This morning I walked in front of my bedroom mirror and as I passed I snuck a side look at myself. I thought I was standing upright but I was instead leaning forward about an inch and a half at the ankle. My weight was all rested on my toes. I took a minute to refocus and take this in, then adjusted to center my weight, straiten my ankles, root in my toes and my mind once again trailed off into Tree Pose. Suddenly I understood the thing I was not getting the week before.
    You see, this week I have spent my time putting out small fires that seemed to pop up out of nowhere. Mercury in retrograde inside my sign coupled with the new moon, has not been easy for me. I have dodged one disaster after another but I managed. I moved, I swayed and I went with the wind, like a tree. I came out leaning but I remained standing. Two months ago I would have broken under the pressure of this week.
     Tree Pose teaches us so much more than balance. It teaches us that when balance seems impossible, sway. Move and dance with the momentum that chaos provides. Keep your movements fluid and your spine sturdy but limber and adjustable. Controlled and calm we face the wind. A beautiful Tree to Life Translation and a beautiful moment it gave to me, once I understood. ~

Tree to Life Translation Part 1

~ Consistently, I have the most trouble with balance poses such as Tree Pose. My foot is dug into my mat: My toes reach out like roots into the ground. I may move and sway on my left leg but I remain standing and sturdy. Then on my right side, I repeatedly tumble from position or vise versa. This is my way of life also. Stretching myself thin is never an issue but I consistently have trouble balancing the things and people I love with each other and with the responsibilities I must maintain. I thought about this in relation to Tree Pose for a week.~

The Circle Of My Life

~ The more I do Yoga, the stronger I get. The stronger I get, the better I feel. The better I feel, the more of my "To Do" list I get done. The more of my " To Do" list I get done, the more Clutter Clearing I do. The more Clutter Clearing I get done, the more Yoga I feel like doing. The more Yoga I do, the stronger I get. The stronger I get, the better I feel... ~
                                   

 ~ This is my Circle Of Life. ~

Yoga and Prayer

~ Yoga can be the bridge between your prayers and God. We hear answers to our prayers and wishes, wants and needs at all hours, on any given day. The problem is in western culture we are not taught to shut up. Our minds always going, even when our mouths are not. How do you expect to hear the answer if you never shut up long enough. Yoga quiets you. Calms your heart, quiets your mind, relaxes your muscles and opens your "knowing" force. That which you did not understand, you suddenly do. Answers from God. Answers from the Universe. ~

At home

~ I feel like the weirdest in my family most of the time but I am always at home with my mom and dad. Love is suppose to to be easy between a parent and child. As with any relationship, it is all about respect. Respect lets love come easy. ~

A Timid Day

~ "Courage! Muster up! We got work to do" ~