Acrophobia Down

~ Lately I have noticed my fear of heights has dissipated some. At first i thought this was odd but after considering it, I believe that Yoga, once again, is to thank for this. It has given me a feeling of being more grounded. More sure of my own balance, both inward and outward. More sure of my own step. I am appreciative. ~

Simple Love Story

I no longer recognize myself.
I no longer recognize my calves or my toes.
I no longer recognize my head or my breasts.
Or maybe it goes...
I finally recognize my self.
I finally recognize my calves and my toes.
I finally recognize my head and my breasts.
I finally said hello to me
and maybe... 
I liked what I saw
and on my yoga mat
I fell in love with me

til we meet again

~Who are we to judge a life's higher purpose? We as a society are governed by man made laws, judges and jurors who do not even have sit on the bench to reach a verdict. We are governed by our media, our politicians and our emotions. The spiritual and mystical realms are not governed by these things and we often find them scary and harsh. But often the things we deem as tragic endings can be, in actuality, beautiful new beginnings for those involved.~

Much love and positive memories,
Til we meet again, friend.

Mindy

The poems from the past few days are simply my process to understanding a friends suicide. They are in no way a reflection of how I feel about my personal situation. In fact this process of creative madness has indeed helped deal with this news in a constructive way versus my usual, shutting down.
Thank you
Min

Dead pools of black iris'

Dead pools of black iris
swimming lifeless in a soulless gaze
a mediocre daydream
that bore no ripple
across the glassy phase
those eyes
they called out in need
to save a little face
don't worry baby
I'll be your dark angel
I am your saving grace
A one way ticket home
on a hell train
outta this place
you can thank me on the other side
Now you lie back
and lean on me babe
and in a dark heart, artistic slumber
you'll move on
and I'll fade away

Baby rode side car
she was already damned
with flames of molten love stained wounds
demons in bottles
that stood in her stead
One pistol shot
and a thousand holes of suicide
residing in your head
There's your ticket mam
One free ride
to the other side
Beneath a pretty willow
slide back into your wedding band
Arm in Arm
with your vessel watching
go be with your man
for on this earth
your lover knew
that you were already dead

I open my eyes
to Truth in the Morning
the Sun of the Son
Dressed up as Death and Rebirth
Disguised as Love
A Sleepless nights' bad Dream
is Not always a warning
and death, though sad
not always for Mourning
sometimes
it's an Expression of a Means
of something much more profound
a secret that Lies between
a  magical meditation
between Lovers
in Two Separate worlds
with misunderstood Needs
But the Sun
is always There
to guide Lovers home
and Bad dreams
are just Truths
making themselves known
there will always be
a vicious Assumption
that bears death's door
but the candle
in That window
was there long before
and it burned beautiful flames 
of molten hot love
and still Flickers in death
the truth between two Souls
Two energies
intertwined forevermore

heartbreak

~ Sometimes a Loves support only goes as far as the situations convenience in their life. Their doubts become your doubts. Their fears become your fears. I have a lot of strength to get back now. I have a lot more soul searching to do. I will find the answers on my mat. I hope they work for all but I must be true to me right now. I have always been true to Love and supportive of decisions made. I have the worst feeling in my gut about this. Is that feeling really mine or just my emotional manifestation of his fear? ~

Your Masterpiece

~ Imagine yourself stepping into a blank canvas. Step by step your thoughts form the painted world in which you roam. We create that which we find our mind lurking in. What does the masterpiece you're walking in look like? Is it one you want to hang on your wall? ~

Misery to True Love and never back again....

~ I use to blame others for my misery. Pointing my finger in their direction because they did not accept me as i was, they could not love me as I was or they did not understand me as I was. The truth of it: there was NEVER anyone else to blame for my misery. I never loved me. I never loved me because I did not know me. I did not know me because I never took the time to get to know me, therefore I NEVER understood me. Since I did not understand myself, it was impossible for me to accept myself. I still struggle. I believe it will always be so for admittedly imperfect people. If perfection were so easy, peace would be already a mainstay in this world. It is in fighting through imperfection that I have now discovered me. Discovered my weaknesses. My strengths. It is in fighting through imperfection that I discovered and got to know the darkness that resides in my heart. It is in fighting through imperfection that I discovered Love. True Love. Of me. Of the divine. Of others.~

Not sure why but sure of the way

~ I no longer remember what brought me to Yoga. A need to control the chaos in my bipolar mind I think but I am honestly just not sure. I was ready. I was ready to embrace my breath. I was ready to embrace the strength I had hidden deep inside, that which may chase the darkness of my brain away. I met a woman residing in my soul where as I rarely even felt human before. Now there are so many processes going on in my mind and in my spirit, I can't keep up with all of them. Some I post here, most I keep for me. Some are happy, almost common sense type awakenings, that leave me wondering why I never understood before. Others, they take you there. Down into the darkness of your heart and your memory. They dissect you and pull out the bad, transform it into a positive and throw it to the wind like celebration confetti. Wherever the pieces of your soul land, let them do as they may. I now know my way and for once it is a well lit path for me and not full of doubts, questions or fear but excitement, love, peace and an honoring of myself...because I deserve it.~

The things I already knew

~ It amazes me how much I am learning from myself. Every time I sit in the quietness of my own mind and listen, I discover something new. There are so many things that I just did not realize I already knew and understood. Probably because I just never bothered to discuss it with myself before.~

My son's sweet voice and a moments lesson

    ~ This week I got to hear my son say " Yoga". He is five and this should not be a big deal but he has been slow to develop his speech. For two years we have taken him to therapy twice a week and just in the past 5 months he has made a real turnaround. Granted " Yoga" is not a hard word to repeat but at that moment, as he came in the room and threw his dads Yoga mat in the floor beside mine and said " Mommy, I do Yoga on my Yoga mat! and preceded to do just that. I was a proud, proud momma! 
    Later on, thinking on those five minutes he was on that mat, I realized that this was the most important gift/lesson I could possibly give my son. No matter what happens in his life, if he takes it to his mat, I know he's going to be okay. It will give him stability and balance in all areas of his life. It will help him through school, in his career and relationships. It will guide him in political and spiritual decisions and bring him to the best possible option for him. Though it may not have been the toughest or the longest word for him to say, it is by far one of the most important.
     All of this has only strengthened my resolve to to go through teacher training. I now realize this is a much further reaching process than I ever imagined 8 months ago. ~ 

Stillborn

Stillborn

Stillborn

In memory

The streets of gold began to crumble

beneath the feet of would be mothers

on their backs they carry dolls

sporting masks of former lovers

of the gods and demigods

they gather with them all

open up their peasants robes

and to the street

they let them fall

And there in crumbled golden streets

All the would be mothers weep

Their sex is lying at their feet

Their wombs just sacrificial meat

and they inhale...

all together their last breath
all together say their prayer
and all together they will sleep
and die down in a childless dream

The Obsessive Mind

In a flood 
like a rush 
they wash over me
those thought provoking emotions 
that take me back decades
giving it to me in spades
these visions
this pain
Nonsense
it doesn't make any
the words are indiscernible 
but the intent is there
Some of us are just not born to be glorious
we live our lives sad and furious
in a pathetic attempt to play the game 
in the world that “Normal” created
a place where we are truly demeaned 
often misunderstood
and sometimes hated,
mostly by ourselves.
And we go on, 
and we go on
and we go on
by ourselves